i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
