her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
please come you make the beer taste better
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can I color on your dick again?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
