I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
