Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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