It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
