Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
