I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
