Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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