is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
