He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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