I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
