It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
