my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
