If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
