We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
