I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
