just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
