So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
