I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
