I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
