This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
