I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
