i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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