I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it penis luge time yet?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
