is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So squirting runs in the family.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
