Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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