I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
