So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
