I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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