I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
