So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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