So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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