Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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