We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
