She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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