i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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