I feel great
I just peed on a car
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
