my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
