Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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