At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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