Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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