dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
