OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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