I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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