i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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