The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
