yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
