Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
