....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
