I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
