When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
