loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, beer. Big fan.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
