the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
