You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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