This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
