If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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