Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
