i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm both gender and math confused
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
