He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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