so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
