Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
