foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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