My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My breasts were aching with rage.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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