I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
