This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
