both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
