i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need moral support for this bender
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
