I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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