Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
