literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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