I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
